Let’s be honest here: dating at any age is full of uncertainty and lies and people aren’t always telling the thruth about whether they are really into you or not.
I recently wrote a post about ways to tell if your date has the hots for you in person through body language.
But body language is subtle and tough to interpret. If you are in that painfully uncertain place that can be so typical of dating there is a better way to discover if your date is into you. It comes after the date itself, by reading between the lines of their messages.
Let’s assume your date hasn’t made things easy for you by either falling at your feet or telling you they never want to see your face again. If things were that crystal clear you would not be reading a post about how to tell if your date was into you.
Deciphering mixed messages
I recently had a good example of mixed messages: where my date’s words were saying one thing but between the lines was saying something else. I had sent her a message with words to the effect that I would the interested in seeing her again. She replied that she would like that too.
But there was a pause – maybe 10 minutes – between receiving my message, reading it and replying, that suggested she wasn’t really so keen.
Of course, people can take way longer to reply but in this case the clue lay in the nature of the pause.
The app marked her as online and I could practically see her finger hovering over the keyboard off her phone as she debated whether herself whether to tell me that no, it just wasn’t working or whether to give it a shot.
Try and put yourself in their shoes
I could feel it because I could imagine being in the same position myself.
As a guy I realize that convention generally expects me to be the one to make the first move. But women sometimes tell me they’re keen to meet me again or perhaps get in touch in the hope that I will clear things up for them.
And sometimes in the face of enthusiasm from somebody else I have relented on my initial reluctance to see that person again. But if I really want to see that person there is only going to be one response from me. Ok!
A delayed response often indicates uncertain feelings
I don’t need 10 minutes whilst I consult my other whatsapps or go and make the coffee to decide.
I’m going to make sure that that desirable person on the other end of the line knows I am also interested in case somebody else sweeps in and captures their attention.
Later that afternoon my date told me she had had a rethink.
Through a vague and enigmatic series of messages she told me she didn’t actually want to see me again. I wasn’t quite her type.
But I had already anticipated that. And she had made it doubly easy for me to predict it.
It isn’t always what they say, it’s how they say it
She did that not only by the tell-tale pause before responding but also – and here is another giveaway – by the brevity of her response.
When I really want to meet someone again I sound happy about it. “Great I say. How about Friday?”
I asked them how their weekend is going or I do something else to talk to them, keep the conversation going a little.
I do it, I repeat, because they are desirable to me.
What I don’t do is just say “yes let’s meet again” and then disappear for three hours to do the shopping.
So to recap, where dating is concerned, it isn’t just what people are telling you that you need to pay attention to, it’s how they are telling it to you.
Next time you’re in this tricky situation try analyzing the quality of responses and the warmth within them to judge whether you’re talking to somebody who is really feeling it.
By Max
