I was worried that post-lockdown dating would be weird and depressing and it was starting to look like I was right.
I was on a date. My date was determined to keep the regulation two meters away from me. This was the law, you see.
It was the first day bars were allowed to open after lockdown and we had been talking for more than a week.
We’d been having some pretty sexy chats, you know, where we talk about how hot for each other we are, and I was hoping we might end up going to my place for something more than that.
But my date had just given my libido the equivalent of a dose of hydroxychloroquine.
The “R” number rules
First she told me she was so worried about coronavirus that she wasn’t planning to kiss anyone.
It wasn’t that she necessarily thought she would get coronavirus, simply that the idea bothered her.
She had actually said something like this when we were chatting but I thought that she was joking.
Now I could see from the expression on her face that she was not joking.
How long for, I asked gingerly?
I got it. Pandemics and tongue kissing don’t go together too well.
I don’t know. It depends what happens with the “R” number. Weeks at least.
Then, it got worse.
Lockdown expertise
After the second beer, she got up. I assumed she was going to the ladies’ but instead she told me it was time to leave.
Hard as I tried, I couldn’t help raising an eyebrow.
There I was hoping for the first piece of action since lockdown in march, and she was leaving after two small beers…
“Technically I’m not supposed to be stopping in the city to socialize after coming in to work from outside,” she said.
Is that really a thing? I asked.
It turned out she was an expert on the complicated lockdown regulations and in this part of the world they were really complicated. It was a thing and she was determined to keep on the right side of that thing… which was bad news for my thing.
Yet while she may not have been prepared to kiss, it turned out that her close adherence to the letter of the law did have advantages.
A low “blow”
It turned out that one of the few things that did not appear to be on the long list of banned activities which lockdown had spawned in the country where I live, was blowjobs among strangers.
At least that would be the case once the next phase of lockdown was lifted which was approximately a week away.
I didn’t find this out until my law-abiding friend literally paused to take my dick out of her mouth and explain to me a week later that our chief medical officer had said that oral sex was safe as far as the virus was concerned.
She had literally only needed 20 more minutes of us hanging in person out to give me first-hand experience of this particular law in action.
Admittedly she waited to do this until lockdown had properly lifted and she felt 100% comfortable that she was complying with the law.
Soft hands
For the first time I felt really grateful to the chief medical officer.
What’s more, she really knew her way around a dick.
There are some women that are so lacking in skill when it comes to blowjobs that it feels like they have jaws made out of metal and others that can hardly touch you without making you shoot – and she was the latter.
A few weeks ago I saw an article saying that one of the reasons that coronavirus was affecting men more than women was that it hid from the body’s autoimmune system in the testicles.
“I’m not that worried if coronavirus is hiding in your balls,” she said. “Just as long as it stays there.”
Policemen with thermometers
We had full sex two dates later, when she was convinced at the country’s medical experts were totally on board with that.
I half expected thermometer-wielding policemen to burst in, take our temperatures and take a saliva sample to make sure we hadn’t been kissing.
Sex with her was really good sex, like, so good I will write a separate post about some of the sex lessons I have learned with this woman.
We’re not in a relationship. She told me she was horny after lockdown and needed to scratch the itch.
But several weeks later she will still not kiss me.
By Max
