Ladies faking their orgasms might have a long and distinguished history in the arts in such films as When Harry Met Sally.
It’s much harder to find any reference to male “faux-gasms” in popular culture.
This is partly because male orgasms are invariably linked to ejaculation and so easier to verify.
You can’t fake a fountain of jizz, right?
But it’s also because there’s a common believe that male sexuality is a simple and often selfish thing and that sex for men is purely a means of achieving orgasm as rapidly as possible.
The idea that men fake it doesn’t fit with that narrative.
But a survey by the university of Kansas in 2010 found that 25% of guys admitted faking their orgasms.
Blowing her mind rather than blowing a load
So what’s going on here? The survey largely focuses on one group of men – those that are having trouble with their partners.
In many cases the reason they faking orgasm is because they don’t think they’re going to climax and so they fake it to avoid any emotional fallout with their partner.
But there’s another type of guy I’ve come across who fakes it to make it – the type who wants to impress women with their sexual prowess.
While faking a male orgasm might seem like a difficult thing to pull off – 66% of respondents to the Kansas survey believe their partner can tell when they’re faking – but guys who have come to do this regularly say it is relatively easy to fire blanks without sexual partners being any the wiser.
Six star performance
Six Shooter is typical of the kind of guy who fakes because he’s more interested in blowing women’s minds than blowing his load.
I will call him Six Shooter because he likes to make every woman he sleeps with think that he has climaxed around five or six times when only the last is a real orgasm.
The Six Shooter, who is in his mid-forties, says: “When I meet up with a chick I like to bang her five or six times, to make her jaw drop. It’s a great feeling.
“The problem is that a lot of guys think once you are sleeping with a chick the seduction is complete but it isn’t. The first time you’re having sex with her you are very much seducing her.”
Spit but no sawdust
According to the Six Shooter the mechanics of faking an orgasm are relatively easy to master.
“You can’t fake cumming in her face that’s for sure,” he says.
He refers to his method as the “ninja technique”, and says: “The ninja technique works best when you’re fucking her doggy style or while wearing a condom.
“You spit on your hand while she’s not looking or you get the condom out of the way quickly.”
Faking as a feminist act
The Six Shooter denies that the ninja technique is phony and manipulative.
“It’s about a woman’s pleasure. It’s almost a feminist act to forego your own pleasure to pleasure her.”
So in that case why not just tell her what you are doing?
In fact the Six Shooter agrees that this would be better and says he plans to change tactics in the future and make it clear that he is not having an orgasm.
“I’ve got this buddy who literally bangs a different chick everyday. I was surprised to talk to him and find out that he actually uses the ninja technique as well. Apparently it’s pretty common.
“What this guy will usually tell women is just that he’s not feeling it today. That way he can bang more chicks. But sometimes he’ll use the ninja technique.
“Thing is when he tells them he doesn’t feel like cumming they usually get really weirded out by that and try even harder to make him ejaculate.”
The moral side of faking orgasms
Last time I caught up with the Six Shooter he had just slept with a new sexual partner for the first time, one he had wanted to seduce for several months.
So did he use the “ninja technique” or did she finally make an honest man out of him? The former was the answer. “We had sex five times in about three hours. And no, I didn’t tell her I was using the ninja technique,” he says after a moment’s pause. “It was just too damn important.”
The Six Shooter has suggested that I use the same technique but I told him I thought it was a kind of phoniness when I’m trying to achieve authenticity in my life.
Sexual addiction
I’m not sure about the ethics of misleading women into thinking one is a better performer than one really is.
But I wonder if my objections are consistent if I’m prepared to take Cialis or Viagra (and relatively recently I did so for the first time). That is also a form of faking it surely.
However I have another problem with it. It seems to me to be a form of sexual bulimia where you just have to keep reconsuming as a kind of addiction.
The limits of sexual authenticity
But is it possible that people like Six Shooter are actually on to something? Might it not be a good thing if sex was not so focused on orgasms?
Of course it’s possible one could answer yes to the second question and no to the first. If one really wanted to perform a disinterested sexual favor for one’s partner one could refrain from having orgasms without the accompanying deceit.
So there you have it. Is faking a male orgasm a feminist act, the act of a phony or just somewhere in between in the game of love where, let’s be honest, the truth is often the last thing to be spoken?
By Max
